When we think of divorce, it's common to associate the word with stories we have heard over the years through acquaintances and friends, or with what we have seen on television and on the silver screen. Many of these secondhand stories and fictional depictions paint a picture that is often far from reality, involving expensive, highly stressful battles and nasty mud-slinging in court. While this might surely be the case for a lot of couples, this is not indicative of the norm and not certainly not common enough to use as an example of what to expect. Instead of relying on generalizations and myths, take some time to debunk the divorce myths you might hold as truth.
Some commonly circulated myths surround divorce include the following:
- Having a Child Will Save Your Marriage: Starting a family can be a joyful experience, but is the wrong move to make if you are on the brink of divorce. Children shouldn't be used as a tool to make a failing marriage work. Having a baby might add to your current set of problems or simply prolong the inevitable. If you are truly interested in starting a family, work on your marriage first, instead of using the addition of a new family member as a pawn.
- Divorces Are Costly: Divorce can be expensive, but the fact is there is no one-size-fits-all divorce. Many divorcing spouses are able to avoid litigation, opting for less adversarial and less expensive methods instead, such as mediation or arbitration. Unlike battling in court, mediating or arbitrating a divorce promotes cooperation and peaceful compromise. This will also ensure you and your ex-spouse are the ones calling the shots in your settlement rather than a judge. You might not get everything you want, but if a judge ends up making decisions for you, you could both end up unhappy.
- Divorce has a Social Stigma: Before divorce was common or freely talked about, there may have been an attached social stigma. This was from a time of great intolerance, and when divorce was relatively rare. Now, nearly half of all American marriages will end in divorce. More people dealing with it and being encouraged to discuss it means an almost evaporated stigma to divorce. It can be difficult, but a social stigma should not be a chief concern.
- Mothers Are Always Awarded Child Custody: This is also from a time where gender equality wasn't really found in courts. They no longer play favorites and instead focus on the well-being of the children in their ruling. This usually means, if both parents are fit to be a apart of the child's life, joint custody.
- Disagreements Cause Divorce: Have you ever met someone you agree with about everything all the time? Probably not. It is natural to disagree and argue, even with your spouse. The key to having a healthy argument or disagreement is respecting their opinion as well as yours, and never to cross any lines by delivering low blows that go beyond set boundaries.
- One Person Is Usually to Blame for the Divorce: One person cannot be responsible for a marriage’s failure. It takes two people to make it work and it takes two people to make it end, so if you want to blame someone, you have to include yourself. If you plan on remarrying, understanding your own mistakes is something you should take seriously. After all, you do not want to have to repeat history.